Boundless Abilities: Autism and More

Boundless Abilities Ep. 50: The Power of a Girl's Night Out

• Boundless • Season 5 • Episode 50

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Explore the importance and benefits of having a support system of good friends. Boundless proudly hosts Girls Night Out (GNO) programs for teenage girls that provide opportunities for authentic connection in a safe environment. A mix of neurotypical and neurodiverse girls gather to visit restaurants, cafes, Aveda spa treatments and more while strengthening their social circles. Join host Scott Light, Kelli James, Boundless peer and transitions supervisor, Brianne Kemp, a teenager in the GNO program, and Nicole Derifield-West, dream advisor at Aveda to hear the impact GNO is having to help alleviate depression and increase self-confidence while having tons of fun. 

Scott Light:

Okay, to our guest today, let's start out with a quick fill in the blank question around the horn, night out with the girls is blank. Kelli, would you start?

Kelli James:

Creating connections.

Scott Light:

I like it. Brianne?

Brianne Kemp:

Socializing and activities.

Scott Light:

Okay, all right. Nicole, what do you think?

Nicole Derifield:

I am going to say a reprieve.

Scott Light:

We've got really, really good answers there. And with that, we are out of the gate with our latest episode. And by the way, this is our 50th episode of Boundless Abilities, a podcast brought to you by Boundless. Boundless is the largest nonprofit in Ohio that provides services to individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities and behavioral health challenges through residential support, autism services, primary health care, day programs, counseling, and a whole lot more to children and adults. Our mission is to build a world that realizes the boundless potential of all people, I'm your host. Scott Light. Okay, so you heard their voices. Now, let me properly introduce our great guest today. Kelli James is peers and transition supervisor here at Boundless. Brianne Kemp is in the Girls Night Out program, which you'll hear a lot about. And Nicole Derifield West is, how about this for a title, folks, she's a Dream Advisor with Aveda. Nicole, that's pretty great.

Nicole Derifield:

It's really cool.

Scott Light:

Yeah, that is pretty cool. Welcome all. It's good to have you here.

Kelli James:

Thank you for having us!

Scott Light:

Good, good, good, good. All right, so let's come back to your answers. So, Kelli, you said Girls Night Out is

Kelli James:

Creating connections.

Scott Light:

Creating connections. Tell us more about that.

Kelli James:

So I think that whenever I go out with my girlfriends, it's really important that I have opportunities for human connection. I think there are so many times that we can feel isolated and having the opportunity to find community with other women and support other women and feel supported by them. It's just so important.

Scott Light:

Kelli hanks for that. Bri, you said it's social and it's activity rich. So to speak about your girls night out. So tell us more.

Brianne Kemp:

Um, like, I feel like we go out and like, I can, like, socialize, like, with like, other girls. I actually, like, feel comfortable. So it's, like, always, like, really fun. And then like activities, like, we go to like, different like areas, and we like, just, like, hang out and like, do like fun activities and just like games and like, we like, ask other girls, like questions, like, like, no, click, like, know, like, more about them. And just always like, really, it's really, really fun.

Scott Light:

Yeah.

Brianne Kemp:

I always enjoyed it.

Scott Light:

You're just being.

Brianne Kemp:

Yeah, just like, just like, be like yourself,

Scott Light:

Yeah, that's awesome.

Brianne Kemp:

Yeah. I love it.

Scott Light:

That's great. That's great. Nicole, you said a girls night out is a reprieve.

Nicole Derifield:

I think, kind of piggybacking off of what Bri said. You know, it's just the community. It's a ability to or opportunity to step away from the stress and the pressure of your everyday and just be with people like you that understand you and what you're going through, and you can just like, shake it off for a minute and just enjoy a moment with other people that you care about.

Scott Light:

So the reason why we are here is because we are talking about the Girls Night Out program here at Boundless. So let's start off broad here. Kelli, would you tell our listeners about it?

Kelli James:

Yes. So our Girls Night Out program is currently run for teenage girls, ages 14 to 18, and the focus of the program is that the girls are in a community based setting where they work on self care and social skills. It's really unique because it's girls with and without disabilities, and we don't disclose who has a disability and who doesn't, and so all of the girls are provided the same materials, the same opportunities, and it's a program that is meant for the girls to find authentic connections with each other, and we are really grateful for the community partners that we have who welcome us into their spaces. And something that's really special about Girls Night Out at Boundless is we are the only providers of Girls Night Out in Ohio.

Scott Light:

Wow, and the activities range from what to what. What do you do?

Kelli James:

Oh, we do everything from getting our hair done at Aveda, skincare at Aveda, and we also go out to a cafe. We go out to eat. We've worked on wellness before, getting to know you where we do speed friending. We've been to workout classes before. We've done a, Bri knows, is a wide variety of things in Girls Night Out, and it's just so fun and seeing the girls go from being nervous and saying, I don't, I don't know, I'm, I don't know if I want to be a part of this, to then at the second session, they're taking selfies together and hugging each other, and just so excited to be there.

Scott Light:

That is awesome. Speed friending is you just, like, opened my mind there, like I had no idea that was a thing.

Kelli James:

Yeah it's awesome.

Scott Light:

And friending

Kelli James:

Yeah and Girls Night Out has materials that are provided to help support all of the girls, because the main focus of Girls Night Out is that we all have something to work on. And so girls are given conversation cards that are specific to the activity that we're doing to support relating to an activity and relating to others, as well as a Girls Night Out planner, where they talk about the self care and social activities they've been doing throughout the week, as well as having supporting visuals and extra activities they can do throughout the weeks while they're not actively at Girls Night Out.

Brianne Kemp:

Bri, what's your favorite part about Girls Night Um, probably like seeing like all, like the girls, and like talking to them, and just like having like a normal conversation, because, like, I feel comfortable talking to the girls because they're all so sweet, and I love them all, and Kelli makes me feel so comfortable, because she's just amazing. I love like, her personality and like, how she just like, like, just like is like positive and like wants to, like, have like and like help us out. And I've, like, been through a lot, and I feel like this program has helped me get through like, my anxiety and all my like, depression and going Out? out with like and like, like, the real world, and like, uh, talking to like, all the girls, like, how has helped me so much. And I feel like other girls should definitely like join the program. And I feel like they would like them. And you've done this twice. I've done this twice. Yes, yes.

Scott Light:

Where have you been? Where have you gone?

Brianne Kemp:

We've gone out to eat, like to Roosters. We've been to Kitty's Cafe. We've went to, like a like a workout area. What was that called? I forgot

Kelli James:

Aveda.

Brianne Kemp:

Aveda, that's probably my favorite, because all the girls there are just, like, really sweet and I've learned so much about like, skin and hair, and now that I know more about it, I actually take care of my skin and hair now. So thank you. Thank you.

Scott Light:

Wow. Well, Nicole, that just tees you right up here. My goodness, yeah. So what's this experience been like for you?

Nicole Derifield:

Absolutely rewarding and full of joy and happiness, and it's just been really special to have this relationship with Kelli and with Boundless and genuinely everyone at the school gets very excited when Girls Night Out comes around. There are never enough girls in the program for all the students that want to participate, and I think that's a good problem to have, but everyone just really gets excited. Almost everyone has someone in their life that is, you know, experiencing life in a different way. And I think it is really rewarding for the students and for the staff to be able to have this moment to connect with people and help them feel happy and beautiful and teach them some things. And again, just give them a girls night out, a reprieve, and just give them a special space where they can have some fun.

Scott Light:

What do the other stylists say? What have they come back to you and said, you know, something like, Nicole, thank you so much for inviting me into this. This is awesome. And don't we need that? Yeah, we all need more of

Nicole Derifield:

Just that, and more usually, it's a lot of that. Yeah. And our student body is very diverse, smiles. I've had some tears, because they just have really and our students are coming from all kinds of backgrounds and all genuinely enjoyed the experience so much and felt so special that they could participate in it, and just like genuine joy, just genuine joy. kinds of challenges. And I'm a big proponent of giving back. I think when there's a lot of challenge going on in your life, if you can zoom out and focus your energy on helping someone else, then it can kind of shrink your problems a little bit. And I think this is another way for our students, who are dealing with a lot in their lives, to give back, and it can be really rewarding to them in ways that they might not have even expected it to be well.

Scott Light:

And our listeners just heard Bri you talk about how a girls night out can help with things like anxiety, depression,

Brianne Kemp:

Yes

Scott Light:

And other things. Would you, would you mind expanding on that a little bit?

Brianne Kemp:

Yeah, like, you know how, like, some girls like to stay at home, like, in the room all day, just like having all the thoughts get to them. I feel like, if you go out with people that are like, kind of like you in a way, you could, like, express your feelings. And I feel like, just like being out in the open, like, with activities, like, people that like that, like, are kind of like you in a way, and that, like, understand you. I feel like your anxiety and depression, like, just slowly goes away because you're out of people that like, make you feel comfortable. And that happened with me. Like, I use I stay home a lot, and I don't usually go out a lot of places. So Girls Night Out on Wednesdays are just like, it every time I, like, leave, I'm always, like, in a good mood. Because, like, I don't really, like socialize a lot with people. So like going out with them and like talking to them and like them, like asking me, like, how I'm doing, or, like, what are you doing today? Like, it just, like, makes me feel good inside, because I know people care.

Scott Light:

I think we found a new spokesperson for the Girls Night Out program.

Kelli James:

I need, like a commercial with,

Scott Light:

Seriously, and where you've just got this great perma grin here in our studio and Boundless it's just, it's just fantastic. So I went to Mr. Google, or, should I say Ms or Mrs. Google, since we're, you know, we're talking about Girls Night Out. All right, so I did a little history here. History here. It is believed that the firfst ladies night out event happened back in the 1820s. Believe it or not, there's little history here. So as you might imagine, it was a way to draw women out to neighborhood establishments back in the day. And then ladiesnight eventually became girls night out as time went on, and then the verbiage is, it's still evolving, right? There's there's girls weekend, there are girls getaways, and, you know, all kinds of things. So I'd love for any of you to jump in on just the importance of women gathering with women.

Kelli James:

I think that women go through a lot of unique experiences and being able to get together, and like Bri was talking about having people who understand you and what you've been through. Of course, not all women are going to have the same experiences exactly, but being able to find community with other women and really empowering other women, I think that's something that girls night out does, and something that I find, even in my own personal life, is when I get together with girlfriends like Bri said, I always leave smiling. I feel like my cup has been filled because I've gotten to experience joy around other women and feel like I can positively contribute to their lives in the same way that they positively contribute to mine.

Brianne Kemp:

Because, you know, like, girls have problems, right? And like, no one really understands, like, boys don'tunderstand what girls go through. Like all the girls, like, go through, like, you know, like, hormone things, and like, like, makeup, skincare, hair, all that and I feel like, if you get with like, other girls, you can, like, just, like, talk about it. And then like, I guess, like, understand it more, because, like, other girls, I guess, like, go through different things, but like, we still kind of go, like, the same thing. And I feel like they could give you, like, makeup tips, skincare tips, hair tips, all that kind of thing. And just, like, honestly, being with like, your girlfriends is just like, like, a reward, kind of in a way, because I don't know like I look like my friends, I feel like safe, like, in their comfort, like, like I love my friends, like, they're all

Nicole Derifield:

Well, this could probably be a whole other really sweet. podcast.

Scott Light:

Yeah, really.

Nicole Derifield:

But I think women have been gathering for centuries. Like, you know, it's an instinctual thing. And I think in society now, we're very separated from each other, and our lives are very compartmentalized. And I think the beauty of these moments is that we get back to that sense of community and support and love and care. And I think it's like, intrinsically important to women like we need it. We need that community, and we need that support and and sharing knowledge and information with each other, and, you know, letting each other know that you're not alone in what you're going through, and we're all, you know, facing the same struggles or similar struggles at some point in our life, and just to know that you're not alone. And there's a whole other group of people who are ready to cry or yell or break some things with you whenever you need to. So it's empowering.

Scott Light:

Yeah,

Kelli James:

Yeah, definitely, yes.

Brianne Kemp:

I agree with you.

Scott Light:

I've been married over 25 years, and my wife, whose name is Julie and by and one of her best friends, her name is Julie as well. My Julie will say, I've, I want to bring up something. And she will say, you don't need to fix this. I'm kind of a fixer. And then she'll say, I know.

Nicole Derifield:

Most men are.

Kelli James:

My husband too.

Scott Light:

And then she'll say, and I'm gonna go out with Julie tonight. And I just, I just need some time. And I love that. I absolutely that's a beautiful thing.

Nicole Derifield:

Yeah, yeah. That's what all most women really need is just someone that we can

Kelli James:

Confide in.

Nicole Derifield:

Scream into the void with.

Kelli James:

Yeah!

Nicole Derifield:

Like my, my best friend, she's really the reason I've gotten connected to this community, and I can send her a message, or I can call her and just say I need to vomit. And she's like, go, I've got you. And she doesn't try to fix anything or make it better. She just lets me puke it out. And go, yep, that's, that's accurate. You're. Yeah, you're valid in your feelings.

Kelli James:

The validation that you get from other women. Yeah, it's really meaningful and empowering.

Brianne Kemp:

And I feel like all adults like me that like that, like one person in their life, just like, go and, like, talk to you. I feel like every adult, like, needs, like a break, just like a girl find out, because, like, there's like, taxes and all the other stuff that dogs go through. So I feel like, like, going out with, like, your friends is like, a really big, like, fun thing to do. Because, like, if I was an adult and I had, like, like, I had to, like, do a lot of work and like, go to, like, work and like, take care of my kids, I don't like that. I would want to go with my friends sometimes and go out and, like, just, like, talk to them, like, like, catch up on things and just like, hang out with them.

Scott Light:

Kelli, where the idea for this program come from?

Kelli James:

So the program was originally started by Kansas City Medical University, and that was in 2017 and they have served over 100 girls and their Girls Night Out program, and they train facilitators across the United States. So I was provided a very special opportunity by our Vice President of Programs, and I was able to fly out to Kansas and be trained by the creator of the program and bring it back to Ohio, and now we have been running it for a year.

Scott Light:

Oh, wow. So this is, this is you're, you're charting new territory here.

Kelli James:

Yes and we have a lot of really great plans for 2025 we are going to be having a winter party, a Galentines Day, another 12 week program, and I'd like to start a young adult women's Girls Night Out as well.

Scott Light:

So the the the response has been enough to where you can expand the program?

Kelli James:

Yes, definitely. And we are always looking for more girls who want to experience the community. So many of the girls do have a lot of isolating factors in their lives, and it's really important that we provide them opportunities that they might not otherwise get, like going out with girlfriends and getting a facial together, going out to eat, there are some girls who have never gone out to eat with girlfriends, that they've never been given that opportunity. And if we can provide them the space and the comfort and the safety to socialize with other girls, and also, we are such a big proponent of self care that they're able to really improve their confidence and find that community.

Scott Light:

I've got a question here in my notes, and I just had you know, has the program accomplished, slashed, achieved what you wanted? That's probably a no duh, because if you're expanding and doing all these things, but let me switch it up. What has been a surprise about this program over the last year?

Kelli James:

I think the biggest surprise has been how quickly the girls acclimate to being around each other, and how supportive they become of each other so quickly. They meet each other at our initial meeting, where their families are there to ask questions, and we do some icebreakers, and the second meeting, when we do speed friending, the girls are finding their people. They're interacting with others. They're really finding that this program is meaningful. And even girls who, you know, oh, my family's making me do this, they're immediately the second one, they're like, I'm all in. I'm ready. And it's just so amazing. And I mean, we have girls like Bri who want to do it again, and who find it so meaningful that they want to keep coming, and that I have gotten such a response from other clinicians who say, like with the young adult women group, people saying, We have 10 referrals for young adult women who want to be part of Girls Night Out, that we have such an impact, and also the impact we see with our community partners as well, has just been amazing.

Scott Light:

Bri, if you had to, if you were asked such a question, could you pick out the one most rewarding thing about Girls Night Out?

Unknown:

Definitely like seeing, like the growth I had during it, and just like seeing how more socialized I was, and like more comfortable, like speaking to the girls and like asking, like, you know, like meaningful questions and all that, I definitely found like my like safe space with Girls Night Out, because everyone was just like, so like caring and just like understanding, and I felt like it was like my home in a way, like everyone's my home in a way.

Scott Light:

Wow.

Brianne Kemp:

I just love everyone there and like, I just want to cry right now about it. It's like, so meaningful.

Scott Light:

Safe, caring. Those are, those are powerful words.

Kelli James:

It is. It's a powerful program.

Brianne Kemp:

It really is. I would agree.

Scott Light:

Yeah. Nicole, could I ask you something similar, if you had to pick one thing about this whole experience,what is that? What is that lasting aspect of it for you?

Nicole Derifield:

I would say, I guess, though, my overarching thing today just joy. It's just fun, like it's so much fun. We have so much fun. The students have fun. The girls have fun. We love when Kelli is there. We have fun with Kelliand everyone that she brings with her. It's just a room full of happy, and that is not something that all of us get that often in today's world. And so to be immersed in a room full of happy for several hours is just gives me goosebumps, like it's just a really cool experience.

Scott Light:

We have like a dozen hashtags already from this podcast. We just have them all here. Kelli and Nicole. Let me ask you this, what would your call to action be if we have other organizations out there and they're listening to this and they're going, hmm, maybe I should try this, what would your call to action to them be? What would it be to get them off the fence to join in?

Kelli James:

the girls. It's such a unique experience for a group of girls who, like I said, might not have these opportunities previously, that they're being given those opportunities to be integrated into the community and find a meaningful space with other girls who can empathize with what they're going through and find commonalities, and for community partners to reach out to us organically, would be amazing just to see that the community cares about these girls too and what they have to offer and the experiences that they deserve. That's what we really find with the community partners is the ones that continue to partner with us are the ones who really see the impact that it makes, and sees they see that the girls deserve this.

Scott Light:

How can they find you?

Kelli James:

They can reach me at kjames@iamboundless.org.

Scott Light:

Nicole, what's your call to action to those other organizations out there, help get them off the fence and and to jump in?

Nicole Derifield:

I would just say, what are you waiting for? You're missing out. You're missing out. It's, there's, there's nothing bad. There's no negatives. It's, it's genuinely all positive. And again, like, there's not a whole lot in this like that you can say that about that's true. Um, so just stop hesitating. Don't question it. Just-

Brianne Kemp:

Just do it.

Nicole Derifield:

Just do it. Thank you Bri. Just do it. Yeah.

Brianne Kemp:

Go out and do fun things, you guys. Yeah, join the group.

Nicole Derifield:

Exactly.

Brianne Kemp:

Join the program.

Nicole Derifield:

Yes. It's really just a wonderful experience.

Scott Light:

That's fantastic. All right, so I started you off with a fill in the blank question. Let's, let's bookend this way, and let's go big. I'm going to ask all three of you to go big here. If you could do any Girls Night Out with anyone in the world, and go any place in the world. Bri, where would you go and who would you bring?

Brianne Kemp:

That's a really big question. Um, I would probably go with either six flags or Cedar Point.

Scott Light:

Solid call. Okay.

Brianne Kemp:

I like the roller coasters, and I would probably bring, like, anyone?

Scott Light:

Anyone.

Brianne Kemp:

Billie Eilish,

Kelli James:

That's a good choice.

Scott Light:

That's a, that's a really good call.

Brianne Kemp:

Yeah, yeah. Like, who else would you like? She's amazing singer,

Scott Light:

Yeah, she's just an amazing human too.

Brianne Kemp:

Yeah, I love her.

Scott Light:

She's just fantastic, Nicole. I don't know how you follow that, but give it a shot.

Nicole Derifield:

I don't know either. Gosh,. It wouldn't matter where I was, but I would want to be with my mom and my aunts. They are my tribe. They are the women that I have learned everything from and support me and everything that I'm doing and have showed me, you know, how to be a good person, a caring person. And so any night with them is a spectacular night.

Scott Light:

Okay? Kelli, bring it home.

Kelli James:

I have to agree with Nicole that anywhere my mom is and anywhere my grandma is is that's that's where I want to be. They've given me everything that they can to help support me and to make me the person I am today, and really show me how to be a supportive women, woman of other people, and to be able to have programs like Girls Night Out, and really see the value in supporting other people. I learned that from them and they they can party.

Nicole Derifield:

Yes so can my mom and my aunts. They party harder than I do, yeah.

Scott Light:

All right, okay, that's a great way to end it. Kelli, Bri, Nicole, thank you.

Kelli James:

Thank you so much for having enjoyed

Brianne Kemp:

I enjoyed this.

Scott Light:

This has been great for listeners. Thank you as well. Don't forget, you can be part of episodes to come email us your questions, comments, anything at podcast@iamboundless.org. And by the way, Kelli, again, thank you. You're like the most requested staff member here at Boundless to join the podcast. Seriously, she is. She is totally amazing. And this is our 50th episode. This is awesome. So don't forget, you can find us anywhere. Apple Spotify, we're on all the channels, as they say. This is Boundless Abilities brought to you by Boundless